Bad Luck Will Get You No Where
by Mookerman
Summary: The Griffins first have good things happen, but then becomes horrible situations beyond imagination. Beware the evil Pee Wee Herman! Rated T Violence and adult themes. Please review.


CHAPTER ONE

GRIFFIN HOUSE

**Everyone watching TV**

TV: We'll get back to that stupid bitc….. I mean Tyra Banks, after these commercials.

**Peter walks in**

Peter: Hello, my family. And Meg.

Lois(jumping from the couch): Peter! There is some good news. I wrote a book called Under the Monkey Stone, and it's being published!

Peter: That's great! And that's why I'm glad to have better news than you! I got promoted!

Brian: Wow, this is one hell of a day. Lois's book got published, Peter got promoted, and I just got away from Pee Wee Herman.

Pee Wee Herman(looking from the window): I'll get you, dog. Nobody truly leaves the clutches of PEE WEE HERMAN!

Randy(dressed in a whore suit): Pee Wee, I want to go back to the house.

Pee Wee Herman: You wanna know today's secret word Randy? Today's secret word is SHUT UP AND GET IN MY PANTS!

**Toy Factory**

Peter: Hello Ralph!

Ralph: Wuzzup, my mizzle to tizzle?

Peter: It's shizzle my nizzle, Ralph.

Ralph: Whatevah, foo.

Peter: Ummmmm…………………….. Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Just because you used being "black" as a ticket to get this job doesn't really mean anything. Hell, you're WHITE!

Ralph: That's what they want you to think! That's how I got all da way up here!

Peter: Whatever, Mr. UPN. Just give me my job assignment.

Ralph: Ok, my brotha. You're new job is……. Are you ready? Testing the toys!

Peter: Sweet. I just hope they're not like that Crazy Cutie doll.

FLASH BACK

**Peter sitting on the couch**

Peter(doll in his hand): what does this button do?(he pushes the button)

Doll: Hi friend. My name is Crazy Cutie. I love everyone. And love can HURT A LOT! DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!

**Doll starts shooting up in the air with a hand gun**

Peter: I knew making a Hillary Clinton doll would be unethical!

FLASH BACK DONE

**At the house. Stewie is making a super weapon**

Brian(walks in): Hey Stewie. I….. WOAH! HOLY CRAP!

Stewie: You like it? I call it the Doginator 10,000! It terminates dogs! Run, Brian, run!

**Stewie starts up the weapon, only for it to not work**

Stewie: Oh poo.

Brian: Hey, Pee Wee!

Pee Wee: Hey, a little boy! Do you want to see beyond the playhouse?

Stewie: Oh God! Please don't touch me! Not with the hands you play dirty puppets with!

Brian: It's ok, Stewie. Now that you wet yourself, I don't need to scare you again.

Stewie: I'm a baby! I always wet myself?

Pee Wee: So, I can't play with him?

Brian: No, you sick madman! Get out!

Pee Wee: It seems I never can the respect like my idol could. I know someday I will meet his standards. Some day, I shall be a close relations to Michael Jackson!

Stewie: That somehow didn't surprise me.

CHAPTER TWO

**Peter testing out a Run A Go Bot**

Peter: (laugh) You stupid robot. You do not know that man commands you like a puppet!

Run A Go Bot: Shut up, ass wipe.

Peter: Wow. It's interactive, too!

Ralph(walks into the room): Peter, I have good news! You're back to you old position again!

Peter: What? Why?

Ralph: Because I want the job, yo!

Peter: You son of a bitch!

**Peter punches Ralph out**

Peter: Wow, I haven't been this mad since I met Jessie Jackson.

FLASHBACK

Peter(walks up to Jessie Jackson): Hi Mr. Jackson.

Jessie Jackson: So what now? You gonna put chains on me boy?

Peter: No. I just…..

Jessie Jackson: Power to the people! Don't let the white man keep you down! Rise up against men like this!

Peter(staring angrily at Jessie): God I hate you.

FLASHBACK OVER

**Lois runs home nervous**

Chris: You ok, mom?

Lois: Mommy's fine, Chris.

Chris: Oh good, because I was worried abou…….. A PENNY! MINE!

Brian: So? What happened?

Lois: Something happened with the publishing. I'm not sure what, but the company said that there was a text mix up

Brian: Crap. And you paid for the publishing too, right? That's not good.

Lois: It seems that once everything was going good, it turned just terrible. And Peter called me. He said that he punched out a guy posing as black and almost got sued. He didn't but he's back to his old job, making less pay.

Brian: And now Pee Wee's coming at me more than ever.

Pee Wee: Come Brian. We'll have so much fun! HAHA! Look at Randy. He's having a good time.

**Randy comes out of Pee Wee's pants**

Randy: Help. Me.

Brian: You see?

Lois: Yeah. It's like bad mojo or something.

**Peter walks in with a rabbit's foot, one hundred four leaf clovers, and twenty horse shoes**

Peter: It's evil Lois. It's the dark evil that curses us. It is saying that we must end our cursed pain of unluckiness with a sacrifice. I vote Meg.

Meg: Why me?

Peter: Because no one cares about you, honey. It's ok, though. Many cool people die. Just not you. You're not cool.

Brian: I have an idea.

CHAPTER THREE

**Brian walks up to Stewie's room**

Stewie: So, dog. You have returned for another beating, have you?

Brian: Shut up Stewie. Listen, you need to alter the courses of luck.

Stewie: Oh. Bad luck, huh? Well, too bad dog. You have nothing to make me help you.

Brian: Pee Wee's still on the porch, you know.

Stewie: Ok, then. When should I start?

Brian: Right now.

Stewie: Fine. Just don't drink the water bowl. That was my vengeance.

**Hours later, Stewie completes a new invention**

Stewie: I call it the Luckinator. It changes certain outcomes. I wonder If I could make Hitler…..

Brian: No thank you. Now, how does this work?

Stewie: Well just press those two buttons, type the full names of the people in the outcomes, what minute, and what year.

Brian: Thanks.

**Flashes of light blast from everywhere until Brian is gone**

Stewie: Yes! Now I can take back my Mr. Floofloo! Victory is mine!

Brian: I'm back.

Stewie: Blast it!

**Brian runs down stairs to see Peter with a sword pointing to Meg's head**

Brian: Peter! I have changed everything! Everything's back to normal!

Peter: But I wanted to chop her head off!

Meg: Dad!

Peter: It's not your fault nobody likes you, honey. So, anyways, I love you Brian. I got my new job and am going large.

Brian: Actually, I changed everything to what it was in the beginning of this episode.

Peter: I don't know you at all, Brian. Not at all.

THE END


End file.
